randoms!

has anyone ever had this feeling like they are being watched? like every step you take is being monitored and recorded or something? or is my paranoia just kicking in again??
when i walk into school, i feel like someone is looking at me and actually following me. i am thinking maybe it is all in my head-- but its getting more pronounced every day. (maybe its all in my head)

how can i call someone my friend when?
- i have to weigh every word i say
- if i say one thing to the person this night, in less than 24hours i would have heard the exact same thing from another person
-and thus i have to lie about everything and sometimes not say anything at all
-and this results to ME being the bad friend

anyway! i have soo much work to do now. so i will update you guys later. and i am sorry i have not been commenting on blogs, its just stress with school and work. but i do read them! :-)

p.s i am not over that guy in my last post. and nw i hear they are on a break =/

x

mehn

am in trouble.. am lusting after my frnds boyfriend. i tried to make a deal with God. i felt like if i stay away from the things i really enjoy, that he will make it stop. this my method usually works for me so i thought the same will apply in this serious situation.. So i stayed away from twitter and blogging-- even reading blogs! i stayed away for like 3 weeks.. i had not even seen the dude or my friend for a long while nw; till yesterday..

the thing is that i had dated the boy before.. but i dndt tell her because she would have used that as an excuse not to date him. and i lied because i thought i was over him =/. plus she really really liked the dude..
i dont know what else to do.. i cant keep hiding and avoiding my friend and the dude..

i hope it will pass..
xx